


ah shit, here we go again

by ahoeinplainsight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Peter Parker, F/F, F/M, Lesbian Michelle Jones, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker has ADHD, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Mess, This will suck, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, im getting better at planning my stories so hopefully this works out, its my first time posting stuff in a fat minute so bare with me, jesus poor peter oml, most likely, probably, this will be a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-04-12 03:15:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 6,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19123453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahoeinplainsight/pseuds/ahoeinplainsight
Summary: another texting/twitter fic except this one is really bad





	1. Chapter 1

this isn’t real @tonysintern

tony just yelled at me for not sleeping. tony doesn’t sleep. i laughed. he yelled more because of that. i continued to laugh. he gave up and promptly passed out hugging a screwdriver.

 

>lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

?? bitch who are you

 

>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

tony’s intern?

 

>>>20biteen. @polarexpress

am confusion @ironman can you confirm?

 

>>>>tony stark @ironman

the fact that you think I would ever confirm is hilarious

 

this isn’t real @tonysintern

tony is giggling, straight up hehe-ing, while typing on his phone and idk if it’s about the tweet anymore

 

>and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

okay that made me exhale strongly so I guess they’re alright

 

>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

thank you for the validation, I rly needed that

 

>>>and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

but they’re apparently not okay in head, is you good?

 

>>>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

absolutely not thanks for asking


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've decided that i now like this story and i will hopefully post more. posting will be very weird and i will never have a schedule. i love all of you and i hope you have a wonderful day, night, or afternoon. enjoy the chapter.

well that's just loverly @thatonevideo

why did we all just collectively agree to believe what @tonysintern is saying like ???

 

>lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

because

 

>>well that's just loverly @thatonevideo

understandable have a nice day

 

* * *

 

 

 

Private Chat: the bois + mj

 

jichellemones: you really made that twitter account wow

 

ledneeds: you are amazing for making that twitter account

 

jichellemones: thanks for the help ned

 

tonysintern: listen

 

tonysintern: it was a good idea in retrospect

 

tonysintern: and i didn't expect people to follow me

 

tonysintern: but now i have 500,000 followers and i don't know how or why

 

jichellemones: i hate you

 

jichellemones: let me read the tweets before you post them

 

ledneeds: ooo yea let us read the tweets before you post them because we might be able to see if something if too revealing or smth you feel

 

tonysintern: i literally wouldn't know how to live without you two i love you so much

 

ledneeds: uwu we know

* * *

 

the superior nerd @jichellemones

nobody:

@tonysintern: so basically im the stupidest human on earth

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

i did not come here to be attacked like this 

 

>>the soft nerd @ledneeds

you just said that like two minutes ago

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE ATTACKED LIKE THIS

 

jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

um,,,@tonysintern who are @ledneeds and @jichellemones

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

the best people on the planet that i absolutely adore why?

 

>>tony stark deserves the worlds @hereallydoes

so you're a soft boi,,got it

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

:o i am not a soft boi i am the least softest boi you'll ever meet

 

>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

you keep telling yourself that bud. whatever makes you happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always help :))


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter is a mess and i'm not apologizing. it was written at two am with the help of my best friend/fake girlfriend so bare with me.

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I felt my first tweet should be about the fact that I hate Queens.

 

>lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

?????? can we have the context please

 

>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

No.

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

God I fucking hate Brooklyn

 

>20biteen @polarexpress

am confusion please elaborate

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

no

* * *

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

To clear up to confusion, I'm talking about Baby Queens, not the actual city.

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

Mr. Brooklyn ya'll Mr. Brooklyn. not the city I love Brooklyn

 

and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

@tonysintern @captainamerica thanks for not clearing up the confusion at all, are you talking about one another

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamercia

Why would you assume such a thing?

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

ew gross why would i be talking about HIM

 

>>>and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

?????? i'm so confused oml

* * *

this isn't real @tonysintern

i said "god i hate living" and Mr. Brooklyn responded with "oh me too" and i don't think i've ever seen tony look more distressed

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

listen. that was the first time i've heard him say something like that. i was shocked to say the least

 

>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I invented fatalistic humor, okay? Bucky can back me up.

 

>>>a walking ptsd machine @deerbarnes

i put my hand on his shoulder and the static electricity shocked him and he went "god i fucking hate living" so

 

>>>>well that's just loverly @thatonevideo

my new favorite thing is learning that captain america is just as bad as us gen-z's

 

>>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Happy to be of service.

* * *

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

me: i'm bisexual

Mr. Brooklyn: oh worm?

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

?

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

eye- wow

 

>>>killer whale @whaleboi

i don't care that we don't know how @tonysintern knows captain america, i'm absolutely living for these interactions

* * *

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

pepper:

tony: okay but his ass, pep, his ass

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

if I wanted to be attacked I would've asked pepper herself but I DID NOT ask for this OKAY

 

>>CEO of SI @pepperpotts

You're just mad that he's right, Tony.

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

#riptonystark

 

20biteen @polarexpress

#riptonystark

 

lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

#riptonystark

 

killer whale @whaleboi

#riptonystark

 

well that's just loverly @thatonevideo

#riptonystark

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

#riptonystark

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always help :))


	4. Chapter 4

call me princess one more time @shurlyabitch

i found another broken white boy but this time,,,i think i like him

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

:o 

 

>> call me princess one more time @shurlyabitch

scratch that i know i like him

* * *

 

call me princess one more time @shurlyabitch

@ironman bitch how many kids you got

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

biologically, one. adoptive, sadly none. kids I'm a father figure for, three.

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

wa sa my dudes

 

>>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

lmao what's good

 

>>>>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

@ us next time bitch

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

so was i just supposed to know who @potatoguy and @potatogirl were or was i just supposed to see them reply to tony's tweet?

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i literally have no idea who you are, we're on the same page here

 

>>Tony Stark @ironman

I have a feeling im about to get attacked by three angry children, plus Morgan because she just wants to join the fun, and honestly? I'm terrified.

 

>>>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

good. you should be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we got the whole shabang in here. shuri, harley, and abbie? my children. kudos and comments always help :))


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love this chapter so much for some reason. also sorry these chapters aren't long in the slightest and have like,,zero plot. at some point there will be a plot,.,.,hopefully.

tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

so turns out that @tonysintern is actually a cool dude and i just maybe, just might, just miggity might, become friends with him

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

i feel,,,honored?

 

>>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

you should be honored, he usually only becomes friends with complete dicks

 

>>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

a homicide is going to be committed tonight and if they ask, i've left the country

 

>>>>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

at this point, i accept death

* * *

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

petition for my aunt to let me get a spider

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

hell yes

 

>>Tony Stark @ironman

hell no because you'll bring it to the tower and I will not have that thing in my house

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

you're a party pooper. i'm starting a gofundme.

 

>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

Don't.

 

>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

he fucking did it

* * *

 this isn't real @tonysintern

okay it was a joke i didn't actually think people would fund it oh my god

 

>tony stark deserves the world @hereallydoes

we want you to get that spider my dude

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

it's like,,,a hundred bucks man not two thousand

 

>>>lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

you never know

 

>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

but i do?

* * *

this isn't real @tonysintern

update: got the spider and returned everybody's money. thanks for funding it though, that was really nice of all of you.

 

>20biteen @polarexpress

oml what type of spider did you get my dude 

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

i got a jumpy boi uwu his name is james the third and i love him with all of my heart

 

>>> and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

third? is your name james the second or smth?

 

>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

nope. bucky had a spider back in the forties that he named him james the second, after himself, and when bucky saw james lll he had to leave the room so i thought it was a suitable name

 

a walking ptsd machine @deerbarnes

petition to never stop hugging @tonysintern

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

where the fuck do i sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always help :))


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like,,,highkey might change clint and sam's relationships to each other cause that shit? it's nice

Private Chat: tony's kids

 

potatoguy: i just realized i never asked you what your name is

 

tonysintern: peter

 

potatoguy: aight coo i'm harley if i didn't say

 

tonysintern: what about your sister

 

potatoguy: abbie

 

potatoguy: who's your least favorite avenger?

 

tonysintern: lmao random i love them all

 

potatoguy: smh why you lying like that

 

tonysintern: lol idk maybe steve? him as a human is amazing but him as captain america is gross.

 

potatoguy: the PSAs?

 

tonysintern: the PSAs.

 

* * *

 

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

thank you @potatoguy because i now have the perfect blackmail material for @captainamerica

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

lmao you didn't already have it before

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

i forgot about them tbh

 

>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I am terrified. What do you have?

 

>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

oh you'll see

 

* * *

 

 

wizards of waverly place @ifihadtopickagirl

AHSBHDGAGSAHDGKA

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

oh my

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

*sits in chair* So, you watched the Captain America PSAs.

 

>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I-

 

>>>>wizards of waverly place @ifihadtopickagirl

STEVE WHAT THE DHGAHFKA

 

>>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I hate living.

 

Sam Wilson @currentlydoingthat

I am forever grateful for @tonysintern's existence, I love you so much.

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

I full heartedly agree with that statement. I love you.

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

yes i'm aware

 

>>Clint Barton @eagle1

are you? are you though? 

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

...am i?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments always help :))


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for 100 kudos. i am genuinely shocked that i already have that many i love all you so much.

this isn't real @tonysintern

me, going about my day, minding my own business:

me remembering that clint and sam are engaged:

 

 

>Clint Barton @eagle1

me remembering that I'm engaged to sam

 

>>Sam Wilson @currentlydoingthat

I-

 

>>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

We love you, Sam.

 

>>>Sam Wilson @currentlydoingthat

:o

 

* * *

 

 

wizards of waverly place @ifihadtopickagirl

i can't believe what just happened

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

Listen-

 

>>that's my name, don't wear it out @ithappenedonceinadream

did THE Natasha Romanoff just blush

 

>>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

LISTEN-

 

>>>>wizards of waverly place @ifihadtopickagirl

it's a day for the history books, kids. natasha romanoff just blushed because a pretty girl said she fought good. 

 

>>>>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

LiStEn-

 

* * *

 

Tony Stark @ironman

wait a minute

 

>this isn't real @tonysntern

eye-

 

>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Did you just-

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

i'm-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a mess but smth happened and i'm excited


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter makes no sense and i love it.

this isn't real @tonysintern

hey y'all, just found out i can lift thor's hammer and i'm straight up not having a good time 

 

jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

everyone after seeing @tonysintern's recent

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

i'm having a crisis jinkies

 

>>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

memes solve everything, intern, everything

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

@scoobydoobitch

 

>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

:/ not my fault your fans believe in you

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

:o

 

* * *

 

 

killer whale @whaleboi

now hang on just a gosh darn diddly minute,,,black widow has a crush on captain marvel?

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

absolutely not. delete this immediately. I'M CALLING MY LAWYER

 

>>Carol Danvers @itsmar-vell

let's do it baby, i know the law

 

>>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

AHHHHHH

 

* * *

 

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

i heard a loud screech, a crash, crying, more screaming, and then silence from nat's room all in the span of a single minute and me and steve made eye contact and deadass didn't look away for ten minutes so i have no fucking clue what's going on anymore

 

>20biteen @polarexpress

sometimes i wish the avengers had a reality show just so i could've seen that actively happening, that sounds glorious

 

>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Both of us, collectively, blinked ten times in the ten minutes we made eye contact.

 

>>>and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

y-you both blinked only FiVe times in tEn minutes? what the fUck?

 

>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

yeah i'm not so sure either

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my instagram and tumblr, both @ahoeinplainsight (spoiler alert, the instagram is the same as this story but still)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are pieces of plot scattered in this chapter

Private Chat: tony's kids

 

potatoguy: guess fucking what

 

tonysintern: ?

 

potatoguy: i am coming to new york

 

potatoguy: with abbie 

 

potatoguy: my mom is staying behind because she can't fly 

 

tonysintern: brb gonna go cry tears of joy

 

* * *

 

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

m-my husband is finally returning from war

 

>20biteen @polarexpress

whO

 

>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

me bitch

 

>>>killer whale @whaleboi

#potatointern

 

Tony Stark @ironman

I'm, to put it lightly, disgusted

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

me too?

 

>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

eye- context bitch

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

context is not important

 

* * *

 

 

Private Chat: May Protection Squad

 

tonysintern: i thought we were PROTECTING HER

 

ironman: It's not that bad Pete

 

tonysintern: they were KISSING tony KISSING

 

ironman: I think it's cute

 

tonysintern: i'm going to throw up in your face stark

 

ironman: I regret meeting you

 

* * *

 

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

petition to put down @ironman and my aunt's boyfriend

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

Where do I sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my instagram and tumblr, both @ahoeinplainsight (spoiler alert, the instagram is the same as this story but still)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be peter and harley being thirsty on main but it didn't turn out to be that big rips

this isn't real @tonysintern

eye-

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

oh god

 

tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i just yeed my last haw

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

what have I done

 

* * *

 

 

tony stark deserves the world @hereallydoes

idk bout y'all but tony regretting every aspect of his life is the funniest shit i've ever seen

 

>killer whale @whaleboi

it's hilarious

 

Tony Stark @ironman

I've come to the conclusion that not only do my children want to see me die an early death, but my fans do as well. And I can't even be mad because me too

 

>CEO of SI @pepperpotts

Tony...

 

>>Tony Stark @ironman

Blocked.

 

CEO of SI @pepperpotts

He really just blocked me. Wow.

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

He blocked me when I told him he needed to sleep. Welcome to the club.

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

can everyone just reply to this with the reason tony blocked your other accounts? tony blocked my personal account when morgan chose to hang out with me instead of him.

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i was horny on main :)

 

>>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

i haven't been blocked yet

 

>>>Sam Wilson @currentlydoingthat

I took one of his fries

 

>>>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

He blocked my personal account as soon as I made it.

 

>>>>>Clint Barton @eagle1

I didn't tell him when I had a girlfriend. I thought he might unblock me when I started dating Sam but then he blocked this account too.

 

>>>>>>that's my name, don't wear it out @ithappenedonceinadream

I watched him block me for no reason one time.

 

>>>>>>>wizards of waverly place @ifihadtopickagirl

he hasn't blocked me yet :")

 

Tony Stark @ironman

I am being attacked

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

love you

 

>>Tony Stark @ironman

-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my instagram and tumblr, both @ahoeinplainsight (spoiler alert, the instagram is the same as this story but still)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know, at this point, i don't even know if there's a plot anymore

tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

listen. i'm gay. and not to be horny on my side account, but damn.

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

i full heartedly agree

 

* * *

 

 

tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i am no longer gay for @tonysintern

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

understandable 

 

>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

what did he do this time

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

why do i already have almost a million followers

 

>the superior nerd @jichellemones

ah i see

 

>>Guy > Chair @gitc

do you

 

the superior nerd @jichellemones

make it known, i hate every single one of my friends, and that includes @gitc and @spiderboi, it's actually exclusively them I like everyone else

 

>Spider-Man @spiderboi

we love you too michelle

 

>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

it's funny because i didn't love you in the first place

 

>>>Guy > Chair @gitc

:"(

 

>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

,,,,okay i hate spidey but i'll make an exception for guy

 

>>>>>Guy > Chair @gitc

:o

 

* * *

 

 

jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

am i the only one who is confused about @gitc and @jichellemones,,,like how do they know spidey

 

>Guy > Chair @gitc

i'm spidey's best friend :)

 

>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

i wish i didn't know him but i do

 

>>>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

you didn't answer my question but thanks anyway

 

* * *

 

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

@spiderboi ur a loser

 

>Spider-Man @spiderboi

who's the verified one here

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

you may be verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of GOD

 

>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

bitch

 

* * *

 

 

Private Chat: Peter Protection Program

 

ironman: peter if you would kindly stop fighting with yourself on twitter, that would be wonderful

 

tonysintern: BLOCKED

 

captainamerica: Are you okay?

 

tonysintern: x_x

 

captainamerica: Can someone translate?

 

eagle1: he's not okay and you should tell harley to go hug him

 

captainamerica: Oh.

 

tonysintern: i love you stevie

 

captainamerica: Yeah, you too, kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am going on a roadtrip with my mom and brother on wednesday so i most likely won't update for a few days. luv u all <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i disappeared for a month. i'll try and get back into updating regularly cause i'm having fun with this story.

Spider-Man @spiderboi

alright guys, who told @potatoguy my real identity? i won't be mad if you tell the truth

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

nobody, i figured it out when you facetimed me and your excuse for hanging up was that your mom was calling you

 

>>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

but that's normal?

 

>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

ha, no it's not. i'm an orphan

 

>>>>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

oh. that makes sense

 

>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

also he didn't figure it out on his own, i told him

 

>>>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

ha. your days are numbered tony

 

* * *

 

 

the superior nerd @jichellemones

tony? TONY? so its TONY now, huh?

 

>Spider-Man @spiderboi

why did i feel genuine fear when i saw this tweet eye-

 

>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

i hate you

 

>>>Tony Stark @ironman

i'm- what?

 

>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

don't ask questions you don't want the answer to tony

 

* * *

 

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

he: i love spider-man so much. i was him to rearrange my fucking intestines, you don't understand

also he: hey dickweed

 

>Guy > Chair @gitc

BAHAHAHA SPIDEY

 

>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

oh my GOD this SENT me

 

>>>CEO of SI @pepperpotts

Spidey, please don't subtweet about your classmates.

 

>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

an i oop-

 

* * *

 

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

i've decided i'm going to fuck up every aspect of @captainamerica's life, wish me luck

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

What did I do?

 

>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

"so you got detention-" shut the fuck up i hate your ugly ass face

 

>>>Tony Stark @ironman

spidey...

 

>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

this is the start of my villain origin story and it’s all steve’s fault

 

>>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

...love you spidey

 

>>>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

die 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, I’m really sorry I haven’t updated in a month. I was at my brother’s and we were doing stuff all month and I just never got around to it. Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments, it really helps. <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly? there’s isn’t a plot anymore it’s just peter being a little shit lmao

this isn’t real @tonysintern

petition for tony to buy plane tickets for @potatoguy so I can kiss him in real life

 

>the superior nerd @jichellemones

the ‘in real life’ implies that you kiss the computer screen as a substitute to kissing him irl

 

>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

so what if we do, I know you’re kinks michelle, don’t make me expose you

 

>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

hmpf

 

>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

you know, just because of those replies, I’m not buying the plane ticket

 

* * *

 

 

this isn’t real @tonysintern

he bought the plane tickets. both @potatoguy and @potatogirl are coming and frankly, I’m crying

 

>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

listen. I’m excited but if I see you kissing my brother, I will have to stab you, I don’t make the rules, that’s just how it is

 

>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

it would be pay back for traumatizing mom with you kissing your boyfriend

 

>>>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

i’ll kill you, I will

 

>>>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

bite me

 

 

* * *

 

this isn’t real @tonysintern

he’s cute or whateva 

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

get this shit off my tl 

 

>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

ur just jelly my crush likes me back

 

>>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

>:(

 

>>>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

>:)

 

* * *

 

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Who moved the bleach? This is betrayal.

 

>this isn’t real @tonysintern

you aren’t dying today steven grant

 

>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

The only reason I haven’t killed you is that I don’t want to go back to jail.

 

>>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

i will kiss him in front of you all I want then

 

>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I hate living.

 

* * *

 

lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

wait BACK to jail??

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

 

>>lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

eye-

 

this isn’t real @tonysintern

@lesbianlover are you thor

 

>Carol Danvers @itsmar-vell 

oh my god-

 

>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

why is that actually the funniest thing I’ve seen all day

 

>>>wizards of waverly place @ifihadtopickagirl

intern no-

 

>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

this is why you shouldn’t be allowed on social media intern

 

>>>>>call me princess one more time @shurlyabitch

I’m cackling what the fuck

 

>>>>>>lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

i’m scared

 

>>>>>>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

you shouldn’t be, cause you’re on scare tactics 

 

>>>>>>>>lesbians? amazing @lesbianlover

eye-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch me out here loving this chapter and loving all of you <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm updating a lot to make up for the time i didn't update uwu

group chat: the bitches

 

spiderbitch: if you go out with your significant other and the waiter places the check down in front of you, they've declared you the top

 

ironbitch: peter please, just one day without sending this shit to the group chat

 

spiderbitch: THEY PLACED THE CHECK IN FRONT OF ME TONY 

 

ironbitch: peter i didn't need to know that

 

princessbitch: are you the top, peter? ARE YOU?

 

spiderbitch: eye-

 

princessbitch: so no, you aren't

 

spiderbitch: EYE-

 

warbitch: For once, I agree with Tony. Just one day, Pete, that's all we ask.

 

spiderbitch: i don't need nor did i ask for your opinion rhodey

 

warbitch: You and Tony are the reason my stress levels are always through the roof.

 

* * *

 

 

Colonel Rhodes @warmachine

Every time I open the group chat, I lose a few more braincells and gain a few more levels of stress.

 

>Spider-Man @spiderboi

are you talking about today or that one time i messaged you guys about me drinking irradiated water to see if i would die

 

>>Colonel Rhodes @warmachine

Just you mentioning it made me worry again.

 

>>>tony stark deserves the world @hereallydoes

you drank irradiated water???

 

>>>>20biteen @polarexpress

the forbidden juice

 

>>>>>and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

yummy yummy in my tummy

 

>>>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

i didn't die i just felt a little qUeAsY if you know what i mean

 

>>>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

i regret letting you become an avenger

 

* * *

 

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

damn i guess i really am not the top

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

lmao my aunt blocked me

 

>>Tony Stark @ironman

you deserved it

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

it's payback for me seeing her and ***** kiss 

 

>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

i appreciate you not saying names, it makes life so much easier

 

>>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

the b in my name may stand for big dumbass but the p's stand for pointed and pert

 

>>>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

i seriously just watched you google synonyms to smart that started with p so you can post that

 

>>>>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

ha ha. no you didn't.

 

>>>>>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

okay i didn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'alls comments literally make my day i love y'all <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short boy but actual plot? wow crazy, I know. it’s not even good plot and it’ll last for like three chapters but plot nonetheless.

this isn’t real @tonysintern

its happening eye-

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

for once, I agree with you intern

 

>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

im so EXCITED

 

* * *

 

 

well that’s just loverly @thatonevideo

wow @eagle1 and @currentlydoingthat really said gay rights huh

 

>Sam Wilson @currentlydoingthat

we really did 

 

>>Clint Barton @eagle1

you’re not wrong

 

this isn’t real @tonysintern

hi taking a break from crying to tell you all that everybody, literally everybody, including natasha, cried when clint walked down the aisle

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

i came here to have a good time and I’m feeling VERY ATTACKED RIGHT NOW

 

>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

love you nat 

 

>>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

“LoVe YoU nAt” yeah I love you too -_-

 

* * *

 

 

New York Daily News @NYDailyNews

An unknown boy was spotted holding Morgan Stark at Sam Wilson and Clint Barton’s wedding, who could this be?

 

Fox News @FoxNews

Breaking News: Unknown teenager seen holding Morgan Stark at Clint Barton and Sam Wilson’s wedding

 

CNN Breaking News @cnnbrk

A boy was spotted holding Morgan Stark in Sam Wilson’s and Clint Barton’s wedding video. Could this be @tonysintern?

 

CEO of SI @pepperpotts

A press conference is being held today to address the boy at Sam and Clint’s wedding. Thank you for your patience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also. harley and abbie aren’t included in this because they already went back to tennessee. I’ll figure out a way to reveal their identities. thank you for the comments, they’re what make me want to continue writing <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we out here

this isn't real @tonysintern

welp

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i feel this

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

i mean what else am i supposed to say? my identity just got revealed to the whole world, this was supposed to be for fun and nobody was supposed to know me but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

>>>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

,,,we still love you intern don't stop tweeting pls

 

>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

i'm not gonna stop but it just sucks that i can't be as stupid as i was because everybody from my school now knows it's me and i just ._.

 

>>>>>the soft nerd @ledneeds

hi yes i'm coming over to hug you uwu

 

>>>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

me too bbg 

 

>>>>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

thanks bbgs 

 

* * *

 

 

the idiotic nerd @parterpeker

oh wow this account gained a lot of followers im scared

 

>the soft nerd @ledneeds

back on our bullshit :")

 

>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

back on our bullshit :"}

 

>>>the idiotic nerd @parterpeker

back on our bullshit :"]

 

* * *

 

 Flash @spidermanstan

uh

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

blocked

 

>>Flash @spidermanstan

i didn't say anything

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

BLOCKED

 

* * *

 

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

BAHAHAHA

 

>Guy > Chair @gitc

IM FUCKING CRYING HE REALLY-

 

>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

stop you're gonna get us trouble 

 

>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

i can't he actually-

 

>>>>CEO of SI @pepperpotts

Spidey.

 

>>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

oop-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna be honest, I forgot Flash existed for a minute and I wouldn’t have included him if somebody hadn’t commented so uwu


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Peter talks about having a panic attack

this isn’t real @tonysintern

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

who do I need kill

 

>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

me

 

>>>the soft nerd @ledneeds

first of all, mood, second of all, are you okay

 

>>>>this isn’t real @tonysintern

absolutely not thanks for asking

 

* * *

 

 

Private Chat: Peter Protection Program

 

ironman: Peter what happened

 

tonysintern: I’m good, I’m fine now it’s all good

 

ironman: peter

 

tonysintern: I just had a panic attack it’s FINE

 

currentlydoingthat: what why

 

tonysintern: it’s stupid it doesn’t matter

 

captainamerica: It does matter Peter. Why did you have a panic attack?

 

tonysintern: because I’m claustrophobic and flash made me the bottom of a dog pile in gym

 

ironman: do you want happy to pick you up

 

tonysintern: no I’m fine 

 

eagle2: ...you’re claustrophobic?

 

tonysintern: yes it’s a very common fear for people to have 

 

eagle1: but you’re like...a spider. spiders like small spaces

 

tonysintern: not this one

 

ironman: clint’s right though, what happened that made you claustrophobic

 

tonysintern: I don’t want to say because I don’t want you to feel guilty

 

ironman: what. no you have you say now, I promise I won’t get mad or feel guilty

 

captainamerica: Or you can just go back to class and ignore us. You don’t have to tell us, Pete.

 

tonysintern: a building fell on top of me. I was fighting vulture, it was after tony took my suit. he made a warehouse collapse and it fell on me.

 

ironman: i take back what i said

 

tonysintern: i need to go back to class i'm sorry i bothered you

 

captainamerica: Don't apologize, Pete, it's okay. We're here for you, don't forget that.

 

tonysintern: yeah okay

 

eagle2: we'll see you this weekend ребенок паук

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot how much i like writing angst somebody needs to stop me before this gets out of hand


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Far From Home spoilers ahead if you haven't seen it 
> 
>  
> 
> alright let me explain how the hell i'm gonna include far from home in this chapter because i just love angst
> 
> so, mostly everything's the same except tony's alive and peter doesn't have the edith glasses. fury calls both peter and tony to fight the elementals and tony immediately recognizes Beck's face and is like 'hol up' and calls him out of his bullshit. chaos ensues and the fight is pretty much the same, tony getting severely injured in the beginning and peter having to take over for the rest of the fight. got it? cause i sure don't

the idiotic nerd @parterpeker

i am. excited.

 

>the superior nerd @jichellemones

bruh i swear if you buy this thing and it breaks, i'm sending you to the shadow realm, you hear me?

 

>>the idiotic nerd @parterpeker

ha yeah i do

 

>>>the soft nerd @ledneeds

w-what are you buying

 

>>>>the idiotic nerd @parterpeker

ur mom

 

>>>>>the soft nerd @ledneeds

peter we talked about the mom jokes

 

>>>>>>the idiotic nerd @parterpeker

i do not. recall.

 

>>>>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

the plane is boarding you dumbasses get over here

  

* * *

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

eye-

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Why? Why me?

 

>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

am i wrong

 

>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

This is the only time I'll say and mean it, kill me.

 

* * *

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

anybody know a quick way out of the netherlands 

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

you're in the NETHERLANDS??!!?

 

>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

i am. hurt and. in the netherlands. please call. heepy

 

>>>Tony Stark @ironman

i swear to god you'll be the reason i die one day

 

>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

not the time, tony. not the time.

 

* * *

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

I was told to not post anything on the video or my identity but I feel like it won't be the same hearing Pepper or Tony explain what happened. Yes, I am Peter Parker and yes, I did say those words but you have to understand why. I was saying to execute the drones, not people. Beck was using drones to make the elementals come to life and he had planned to overthrow Tony, to use Tony's drones, and he succeeded for a short while. With the drones and technology he had, he could make anything he wanted come to life. Whether it be your worst fears or just a plate of food. He used my fears against me and then, in trying to stop the chaos going on around me, he took my words and used those against me too. So, I'm not the villain, Quentin Beck is. I can't do anything more to change your mind about me but I'm telling the truth and all I hope is that you believe me. There will be a press conference soon and you'll hear the same thing from Tony or Pepper or...anybody who I'm close to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we'll just pretend a tweet can be that long  
> so i love angst, if you couldn't tell, and hopefully soon, i.e. the next chapter, i can include some parkner for some fluff :) thank you for the comments and kudos i love you all <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is very short but i wanted to get something out that wasn't angst or focused on a different relationship. i want to start doing more stuff for parkner but i don't have many ideas. i do love this story though and i love all of you :)

 

this isn't real @tonysintern

is my boyfriend: mean? yes.

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

is my boyfriend: stupid? yes.

 

>>this isn't real @tonysintern

i am justified in my tweet, you are not

 

>>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i have no idea what you're talking about

 

>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

I hAvE nO iDeA wHaT yOu'Re TaLkInG aBoUt shut up

 

and i oo- @justdanceprofessional

so like are @tonysintern and @potatoguy going to explain or are we just going to be left in the dark cause like-

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

he said james III is a little bitch 

 

>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

HE JUMPED ON MY FACE

 

>>>this isn't rel @tonysintern

THAT MEANS HE LIKES YOU BE GRATEFUL YOU STILL GET TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM

 

>>>>a walking ptsd machine @deerbarnes

i wanted to look through twitter with hopes of seeing something funny and then i see the absolute disrepect toward james III and i just...wow

 

>>>>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

everyone's turning against me. first peter, then bucky, now wanda, clint, and natasha are mad at me too

 

>>>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

good. it's what you deserve, you traitor.

 

>>>>>>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

...love you

 

>>>>>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

i'm still angry but i love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking to so long to update. that's a big ol' my bad and i'll try to get better at updating. <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s a short boi but it explains the sudden switch from angst to fluff

tony stark deserves the world @hereallydoes

so are we just going to ignore that both @spiderboi and @tonysintern are peter parker or-

 

>this isn't real @tonysintern

that was the plan, yes

 

>>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

that's :) not :) a :) healthy :) coping :) mechanism :)

 

>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

i'm sure it's not but it's working for now

 

>>>>tony stark broke in my garage @potatoguy

translation: don't talk about it if you actually care about him

 

>>>>>this isn't real @tonysintern

:)

 

* * *

 

 

Group Chat: the bitches

 

ironbitch: you okay pete

 

spiderbitch: couldn't be better tony

 

ironbitch: just remember we're here for you, okay?

 

spiderbitch: yeah i know. i just want to be alone right now

 

americabitch: That's fine. We just want you to know that you can talk to us if you need to.

 

spiderbitch: okay

 

spiderbitch: thanks. to all of you. i don't know what i would've done if i didn't have you guys when everything happened. you've all helped me, even if you think you didn't.

 

arrowbitch: you're welcome petey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch me outside just revealing everybody's identities because why not

tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i just realized that i'm the only one of tony's children who's identity is unknown

 

>tony stark broke my dora watch @potatogirl

i exist ya know

 

>>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

y'all hear sum?

 

Tony Stark @ironman

@potatoguy is that a warning

 

>tony stark broke into my garage @potatoguy

i don't know tony is it

 

>>CEO of SI @pepperpotts

Oh no.

 

* * *

 

 

this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

it was harley's idea

 

>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

yes, yes it was. what's up everybody? i'm harley keener.

 

>>i emotionally connect with tony stark @tonysfavoritedaughter

im too young to be a mother. i'm abbie, his sister.

 

>>>Tony Stark @ironman

i think i just had a stroke

 

>>>>CEO of SI @pepperpotts

There are actual tears leaving my eyes right now.

 

>>>>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

me too pepper

 

>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

kid...

 

* * *

 

 

tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

so i'm starting to regret this can everybody just forget that i said my name

 

>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

oh no you don't. you're in for the long run now keener

 

>>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

i've been in the long run way longer than you parker

 

>>>i emotionally connect with tony stark @tonysfavoritedaughter

just one day, harley. one day without trying to one up peter in saying you've known tony longer longer, that's all i ask. 

 

>>>>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

i'm sorry but that's physically impossible for me to do abbie so

 

>>>>>i emotionally connect with tony stark @tonysfavoritedaughter

please. i'm begging.

 

>>>>>>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

no can do buckeroo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love y'all <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm doing parkour, jumping from fluff to angst to fluff and i don't regret any of it. oh and also i actually wrote out a part in this because there was no way to put it in twitter form.

Group Chat: the bitches

 

spiderbitch: so was nobody gonna tell me that carol and nat are dating or was i just supposed to walk in on them kissing

 

captainbitch: we thought you knew

 

spiderbitch: the b in my name stands for big dumbass carol we've established this

 

widowbitch: you're literally smarter than tony

 

ironbitch: true

 

spiderbitch: shut up. anybody else hiding a relationship that i should know about

 

shuri: i'm dating your best friend

 

spiderbitch: NED??

 

shuri: mj but close

 

spiderbitch: oh shit okay that's cute anybody else

 

stevesbitch: me and steve are like...actually dating not just fucking

 

americabitch: Okay, first of all, why is Shuri the only one without a bitch after her name? Second of all, why is that Bucky's name? And lastly, we are dating.

 

shuri: pepper doesn't have a bitch after her name either and it's because we're better than all of you

 

ironbitch: i thought it was an appropriate name

 

stevebitch: see that's where you're wrong because i'm not his bitch, he's mine

 

**ironbitch has changed stevesbitch's name to bitchysoldier**

 

**ironbitch has changed americabitch's name to buckysbitch**

 

buckysbitch: Thank you for that, Buck.

 

bitchysoldier: it's no problem babe

 

* * *

 

 

Spider-Man @spiderboi

i am shocked and quite honestly offended

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

your first tweet on this account in months and it's about me...i feel honored

 

>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

did i say i was talking about you

 

>>>a walking ptsd machine @deerbarnes

me?

 

>>>>call me princess one more time @shurlyabitch

or maybe me?

 

>>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

it's literally none of you, i could care less about you three's love life, especially you bucky. but, y'know, patrol gets pretty crazy sometimes

 

>>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

you're implying that you're hurt, are you hurt?

 

>>>>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

hurt is a relative term

 

>>>>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

i'm gonna strangle you

 

* * *

 

 

"I think I'm gonna kill him."

 

Tony looks over at Harley.

 

"For someone so smart," Harley shakes his head, "He's a real idiot, y'know?"

 

"Yeah, I figured that out a long time ago," Tony mumbles, looking back at the floor.

 

"I came up here to get my mind off my mom...I thought I wouldn't have to come back to a hospital. Turns out, the idiot got shot and didn't tell anybody. How the hell do you hide four gunshot wounds, Tony?" Harley says.

 

"He's done it before," Tony doesn't look away from the floor, "Hid an injury. He does it a lot. I mean, first it was a stab wound and then he didn't tell anybody that he got hit by a train. His excuse, it's always the same, though. 'I heal really fast.'"

 

"What good that does you when there aren't exit wounds."

 

The two look up when footsteps approach. "Are you here for Peter Parker?"

 

The other's, Pepper, May, Happy, Abbie, MJ, and Ned look up too. All of them nod.

 

"He's out of surgery, he's doing well. The wounds had closed around the bullets by the time we got to him but we managed to get them out. You can visit him if you'd like, but I suggest a few at a time, we don't want to overwhelm him."

 

After a few more minutes of talking, the doctor walks away and everybody allows Harley to go see him alone first. Harley stops outside the door and takes a deep breath, opening it and knocking gently on it to alert Peter of his presence.

 

"Peter, I swear if these injuries don't kill you one day, I will," Harley stands next to Peter's bed.

 

"Isn't that the plan, Harles?" Peter smiles.

 

Harley shakes his head, "You're an idiot. Don't do that again, you scared me."

 

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I just...didn't want to bother anybody."

 

"Peter, you wouldn't have bothered us. You were shot four times, you imbecile."

 

"...I'm sorry."

 

"Don't apologize, Petey, okay? You never have to apologize."

 

"Okay."

 

"I love you...even if you are an idiot, you're my idiot."

 

"I love you, too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am nervous about the writing but i wanted more angst so there it is. hope you liked me making peter suffer for the millionth time. love y'all <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a mess as always but what are you gonna do

Spider-Man @spiderboi

ayyyyy ya boi's back in town

 

>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

ayyyyy no he's not 

 

>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

on the contrary 

 

>>>i emotionally connect with tony stark @tonysfavoritedaughter

i am FOURTEEN i do not need this kind of stress in my life

 

>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

if i walk into your room, peter, and see that you are not in it, i will have a stroke on the spot

 

>>>>>Spider-Man @spiderboi

ayyyyy ya boi's not back in town

 

>>>>>>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

that's more like it

 

* * *

 

Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

i am living with a 100-year-old man and now a days, i'm really seeing it

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I take offense to this.

 

>>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

a SWEAR JAR?? 

 

>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

It's not working but eventually, I think it will.

 

>>>>a walking ptsd machine @deerbarnes

steven grant i know you did not

 

>>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

:}

 

* * *

 

 

Tony Stark @ironman

 

IF ONE MORE OF YOU FUCKING MOOCHES ASKS ME FOR MONEY TO PUT IN THE JAR IM KICKING YOU OUT

 

>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

That's a dollar. 

 

>>Tony Stark @ironman

AHHHHHH

 

* * *

 

 

a walking ptsd machine @deerbarnes

is this what...revenge feels like from the victim's point of view

 

>Clint Barton @eagle1

what did you do to steve to make him need to get revenge

 

>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

A lot of things. I'm mostly just salty about him...losing me...in a store...while I had an asthma attack.

 

>>>a walking ptsd machine @deerbarnes

YOU WERE LIKE THREE FEET TALL AND DIDNT TELL ANYBODY WHEN YOU WERE DYING WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

 

>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Your money. Also, I was five foot, four inches, I will fight you.

 

>>>>>jinkies? jinkies. @scoobydoobitch

learning that steve still gets angry about his height before the serum is the highlight of my life

 

>>>>>>tony stark deserves the world @hereallydoes

even better is the swear jar, i love him

 

>>>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

betrayed by my own fans...how dare you

 

>>>>>>>>tony stark deserves the world @hereallydoes

i'm sorry i still love you more

 

>>>>>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steve having a swear jar just to annoy people is easily the best thing ever


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't been updating much, i never have any ideas :(

this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

i already have to hear you gush about harley in real life, please spare me

 

>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

did i fucking say it was about harley

 

>>>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

i'm, quite frankly, offended

 

>>>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

sorry let me specify. I LOVE YOU NED

 

>>>>>the soft nerd @ledneeds

:")

 

>>>>>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

you and mj are the only ones who deserves that meme

 

>>>>>>>the superior nerd @jichellemones

:"}

 

>>>>>>>>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

my boyfriend likes his friends more than me: a novel

 

>>>>>>>>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

\\_('^')_/

 

>>>>>>>>>>tony stark fucking hates me @tonysleastfavoriteson

smh

 

* * *

 

 

this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

steve just bought me dinner with the swear jar money and that's why he's my favorite

 

>Tony Stark @ironman

but you hate him

 

>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

i hate captain america. steve, however, is wonderful and deserves, frankly, the world

 

>>>Tony Stark @ironman

i can't even be mad because you're right

 

>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

You are mad, though.

 

>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

the money from the SWEAR JAR?? of course i'm mad

 

>>>>>>Steve Rogers @captainamerica

...Love you, Tones.

 

>>>>>>>Tony Stark @ironman

bite me

 

* * *

 

 

this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

aren't i supposed to be the horny one

 

>Natasha Romanoff @eagle2

peter-

 

>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

i just wanted to get a cookie man

 

>>>Tony Stark @ironman

welcome to the club of continuously walking in on couples, kid

 

>>>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

can i like...leave the club

 

>>>>>Bruce Banner @7phds

Once you're in, you never get out.

 

>>>>>>this IS real @tonysfavoriteson

oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy i finally included bruce what's good. i think his @ is probably the best part of this whole story, just saying. i have two tumblr's now. ahoeinplainsight and for-comedic-effect. you should check them out. comments and kudos give me life, love ya'll <3

**Author's Note:**

> sorry that this one is a short boy, I need to get something out so I can hype myself up to post more. hope you liked it, kudos and comments always help. :))


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